Douglas Schorr

One man’s outrageous proposal to recruit, train, and licence professional criminals might just be the sanest solution South Africa hasn’t tried yet.

1988, Jo’burg, South Africa, I learned about Burglary Without Violence. I worked weekdays, but Friday evenings, the dog and I would escape to the bushveld. One Monday morning, my elderly neighbour called out, “Come for tea—your kettle was stolen.”

He explained that right after I’d left Friday, a group of blacks had arrived in a truck. He called the police, who came before much was loaded. The items that had been removed from my house but not loaded were listed and taken to Sandton Police Station.

At the CID warehouse, I found the Commander sprawled in a lounge chair, eating perfect slap-chips while watching Clive Rice battle the rebel West Indian cricketers on my TV.

“Take it so I can sign off the case.”

“Sign off? You’ve nabbed the thieving black beggars?” I cheered.

“Beggars?” He cocked an eyebrow. “Black!” He laughed.

He outlined the sophisticated industry: Whites planned, organized, and controlled a workforce of well-trained, disciplined, and well-paid blacks. Operations could take a year to execute. Teams of ‘job seekers’ would scout locations. Once employed, they gathered intelligence. My case was random, simply because of my predictable Friday absences. Usually, it was “family away to Durban for the weekend,” and the zone boss would order, “Assemble a team, Jeremiah.”

The CID explained that gangs operated on solid intelligence, with precision and speed. They avoided violence and public attention. “Clean in and out. Owners return to happy pets and emptiness. During the burglary, neighbours would be told, ‘They didn’t tell you they were moving? Here’s the order.. Hmm, signed and stamped in Germiston.’”

A New System

Under the ANC and its breakaway partners, the EFF and MK, SA has become the crime capital of the world. Not ordinary crime but so vicious that veteran police officers hesitate to attend crime scenes, and no TV station will air content. And the root lies mainly in the assault the government launched on jobs. It is as if Ramaphosa and all believe the worse off their voters, the more likely they’ll vote for them because, oh goodness, you tell me. Anyway, when the tripartite finally implodes, there is a way to return to the 1980s system of Burglary Without Violence (BWV).

Legalise it, bring it onto the books of the IRS.

Imagine a system of burglary, mugging, kidnapping, farm produce theft, assault without battery, and general extortion countrywide that ensured that no one got hurt ever again.

With a handful of white, brown, and coloured African generals running sectors, the few black Africans who genuinely graduated from local universities and colleges but whose woke courses haven’t allowed them to get employment could be trained up as executives in charge of “designated crime areas.” They would employ as many platoons as their DCAs warranted from genuine matric graduates but who haven’t a job. And every platoon would have its share of “grunt workers”—”lift” that and put it in the truck” gals and guys.

The generals would be licensed to break, enter and rob, conduct muggings, etc., and this license would cover their staff. But there would be a caveat; they can only steal from, pretend to beat up, and kidnap to the point that they can prove they are capable of handling the job with their teams’ skill set and numbers. There can be no overtime situations because robbing people is delicate stuff, unlike “running” the Reserve Bank or cocking up the country’s water supplies. Under no circumstances can a gang whose experience in the finer things in life is limited to a squatter camp be let loose on Constantia in the Cape or Union Buildings in PTA. Every team must be competent to handle the enormity of the task at hand. It doesn’t take a genius to work out that the licenced mugger of an ANC Comrade must be able to look at the Rolex, know where it was stolen from originally, and know instantly where his/her team can offload it for a good price. Likewise, the teams must know the value of the stuff they’ve been authorised to steal, whether it comes from Khayelitsha, Soweto, Bishop Lavis, or the Bishop’s Court place with the Eskom beating real wax-burning chandeliers.

Everything hinges around the Planning and Public Relations teams of the BWV teams. These are the kings. They are responsible for approaching the target, setting the terms, and dictating the dates.

No, you cannot argue. It is an assault for fuck’s sake! Be reasonable! But they do have to back off if you can produce evidence that you’ve already “been done” within the prescribed period. Otherwise, it is “Good morning! Please sign this acknowledgement that you understand your home will be cleaned out/subject to a 2-hour smash and grab (without the smash) on such and such a date, etc.” You’d get a similar note for mugging, kidnapping, bodily assault, and so on, except that they’d detail where and when it would happen.

Direct personal stuff like muggings would only require 24-hour advance warning and 3-weeks for house, office, farm, and factory interventions. It will be important to factor in school commitments, current family illnesses, pets with heart conditions, and so on that might require a standby ambulance or special staff. And leave scheduling to suit would be good. To get that coordinated would save the country a bundle in downtime. That alone would help reverse the current unproductive situation.

Shucks, even the incompetents of the current police force could be made to look good. Of course, they’d have to be kept away from the crime scene; otherwise stuff would really go missing!

The victim’s—no, scratch that—the targets would now be clients. The client’s only duties are A) to get hold of his/her insurer and work out a deal, and B) to fill out the online feedback form as to the team’s professionalism, attention to detail, and make any desired recommendation. Education must never stop.

It is the insurer’s job to get hold of the organizing team leader to establish the finer details of a full inventory and where the goods stolen will be “fenced.” Some deals could be worked out over heirlooms and truly personal and sentimental stuff. There’d cerainly be a “preferential buyer” registration box to tick on your insurance policy to buy back your own articles. With the IRS involved, the destination of all goods would be transparent and accessible.

Before you throw up your hands in horror, “The man’s mad,” think. Where would be the horror that South Africans usually feel daily? With 85 murders a day and 5 rapes an hour, the current system is beyond broken. In return for making this horror disappear, a million more would be in legitimate work, and they’d make damn sure no random psychopath messes their turf. The courts would empty of the “awaiting trial” masses rotting for years in conditions worse than prison.

As the great American philanthropist Dr. Thomas Sowell points out, if the government has laws, the government had better make sure they are followed.

Those who flaunt the rules of the BWV industry must be dealt with in the toughest way possible and not simply caught and released into taxpayer-funded retirement in an SA prison. With less than 20% of the population paying three-quarters of the taxes, that amounts to double taxation—funding both the crime and its punishment.